


bitter/sweet

by mppmaraudergirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27258238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mppmaraudergirl/pseuds/mppmaraudergirl
Summary: Sixteen-year-old Lily Evans felt bittersweet when she thought about her upcoming year at school, though she leaned more heavily toward the bitter than the sweet. Life changed forever at the end of her fifth year with the uttering of one word from her best friend's mouth.Entering her sixth year, she can't help but cling to things she knows will never change, like James Potter popping up at the wrong time and saying all the wrong things.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 44
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Bloomsbury, Scholastics, Warner Bros., etc.

Sixteen-year-old Lily Evans felt bittersweet when she thought about her upcoming year at school, though she leaned more heavily toward the _bitter_ than the _sweet_. Excited though she was to continue her magical education, her fifth year had ended on a low note.

For the short time between The Incident and boarding the Hogwarts Express last term, it was easy to play it all off. To be flippant, and distracted, and pretend she wasn’t hurting from it.

It was harder over the summer.

Home reminded her of so many things. All of her favorite places in Cokeworth seemed tied to _him_ somehow. She was torn between sadness at this fact and fierce, unbridled anger. Anger that festered over the weeks she spent locked up inside her home and self-restrained to her own garden because _he_ might be at their old hang-outs, or she may go somewhere and be reminded of _him_.

After a time, this anger faded into resolve, almost as if she completed her stages of grief and finally let go. But she still couldn’t shake the apprehension she felt as she packed her trunk for her sixth year. She had found peace at home, accepted what she could not change when walking down the familiar streets of her neighborhood. She still had a life outside _him_ when home.

But Hogwarts was their mutual escape. So much of her experiences there were tied to _him_. She didn’t know how she was going to move on, when all she had expected – all she had come to rely on as a sturdy, absolute: _him_ being there – was gone. So much had changed forever with one unfettered word.

When she finally saw the crimson steam engine in front of her, she realized that some things hadn’t changed. There was still the raucous laughter of students; joyful hellos and crushing embraces from a long, hot summer’s time apart. Owls still hooted happily as they passed by in wire-framed cages. First years bounced around the platform, a mixture of excited and nervous – they were so small for such big emotions.

She took the whole scene in, deeply inhaling the scent of it all. A familiar face caught her eye along the platform – all she could see was a mop of messy hair but she knew it (unfortunately) well. Potter was another absolute in her life that seemed immovable; but not in the sturdy, dependable way _he_ used to be, rather, as a thorn and a sharp tension headache she could always count on to pop up at the wrong moments…

She steeled herself, resolving to not let _either_ of them shake her or make her return to school more bitter than sweet. But even as she boarded the train, she half considered skiving off her Prefects meeting. Ultimately though, she couldn’t bring herself to miss something so important. She knew most times the houses sat together so she was relatively confident she could wedge her way between a couple of Gryffindors to avoid _him_ if she had to.

Two hours later, having spent the full duration of the meeting sitting next to Remus Lupin, she purposefully left the compartment without a look in _his_ direction. She and Remus made casual small talk as they made their way back to their friends.

“See you,” she called to him as she found the compartment she was looking for. It was her first time sitting in this compartment. She had already passed her usual compartment – and the companion who she used to sit there with – pointedly ignoring it as she spoke with Lupin.

She slid open the door tentatively, but was greeted by enthusiastic hellos from her dormmates.

“Saved you a seat!” Mary Macdonald said, patting the seat next to her which was closest to the window. “How was your summer? Your hair is so long – I love it!”

Lily plastered on a smile as she sat herself next to Mary and shared the lackluster highlights of her summer. After some time, the smile became more genuine. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for a sadness to start creeping over her as she listened to the other girls go on about their supremely enjoyable summer holidays. She didn’t want to think about what she was doing at this exact moment a year ago, but her traitorous mind kept pushing these thoughts to the forefront. She forced herself to refocus on the conversation, with nearly immediate regret.

“How is it he’s gotten _even better looking_?” Mary was saying to the rapt and empathic crowd of Gryffindor sixth years: Marlene McKinnon, Jennifer Clearwater, and Brigette Prewett.

“The summer holidays treated him well,” Marlene said, sagely, before letting out a laugh. “I heard he lives with the Potters now. Something about being burned off the family tapestry.”

Mary laughed. “He certainly didn’t seem to be suffering earlier when I saw him with Potter.”

“Speaking of Potter,” Jennifer said, her curly blonde hair bouncing as she spoke, “have you _seen_ him? He must’ve grown about a foot over the holidays.”

Marlene and Brigette nodded in agreement, and Mary laughed before saying: “I saw him with a Quidditch Captain pin on his robes when I was boarding the train.”

“No surprise there,” said Marlene. But her further comment was stopped as the compartment door shook with the sound of a quick knock, before it slid open. _Speak of the devil_ , Lily thought. Still, she continued staring out the window as Potter spoke pleasantries to the group at large.

“Morning.” His eyes traveled among the small group of girls before landing on Lily. “Er… Evans. I was hoping to have a word? If you don’t mind.”

“She doesn’t,” Mary said, tugging encouragingly at Lily’s elbow.

Lily could think of very few things she wanted less than to go talk to James Potter. But still, she stood and quietly followed him into the corridor. They took a few steps away from the door until they stood in front of an empty compartment.

“What do you want, Potter?” She felt too tired to say more.

James at least had the mind to look sheepishly down at her. _Down at her_. The girls were right, he had certainly not been that tall the last time she saw him. His hair was also longer, starting to curl around the frames of the glasses resting on his ears. She pretended like she didn’t notice this either. His eyes surveyed her for a moment – she half wondered if he was noticing the differences about her as she had him – before he cleared his throat.

“I wanted to… Er, look, Evans. Last term ended… poorly.” She laughed derisively at this; he grimaced and his hand shot to his hair. “I never properly apologized for it. It was a shit thing to do, and you didn’t deserve to be treated that way.”

Lily blinked. He seemed _sincere_.

“I can’t say I fully understand your… friendship with Sni-Snape,” he continued, his hand trailing from his dark hair to rub his neck. If he wasn’t James Potter, she might have thought he looked nervous. “But I never thought he would have ever… In any case, I thought… given your normal plans for the trip to Hogwarts, that you may be…upset…” He cleared his throat. She was looking at him like she had never quite seen him before. Suddenly he brandished a wrapped chocolate frog from his pocket and held it out toward her. “I’m sorry I was such an arsehole at the end of last term. I know it had real consequences for you and Snape, and I—look I know this is stupid and by no means meant to make up for it. But I wanted to do _something_.”

She didn’t know what to say, looking between him and the chocolate frog he was still holding.

“How did you know I like chocolate frogs?” she found herself asking.

He shrugged, still eyeing her apprehensively. “I’ve seen you sorting the cards in the common room a time or two, I suppose. I mean… who doesn’t like chocolate anyway?”

She nodded slowly. After a moment she allowed herself to take the frog from him. “I don’t know what to say,” she told him earnestly.

His mouth twisted into another grimace as he returned her nod. “I understand, and I reckon…that is, you don’t have to say anything, Evans. At all.”

Before she could even process these words, a compartment further down the train opened, drawing her attention. Her eyes narrowed as the compartment began emptying. James twisted around to see what she was looking at, and upon seeing Snape his hand jumped to his robe pockets, undoubtedly to his wand. Reflexively, without really thinking, Lily reached out to touch his arm. He froze at her touch but kept his eyes on Snape, who was flanked by Avery and Mulciber.

“Not worth it,” she muttered, keeping her face blank as she met Snape’s stare. He was glaring between the two intently, his eyes black with a thirst to understand. She made no effort to remove her hand from where it was pressed against James’ forearm. A small, petty part of her hoped it bothered _him_ to see her so close to Potter. _Touching Potter_.

After a moment, Avery bumped his shoulder into Snape’s, drawing his eyes from the pair, and they began walking down the train corridor out of sight. James waited a few seconds after they disappeared to turn his attention back to Lily, who had removed her hand from his arm. She noticed he had shifted so that he was still able to see if anyone doubled back. She was surprised to see how hard his face was. The animosity between him and Snape was well known, but this glare went beyond school yard rivalries. It was hatred and fury. And when he turned to look at her: concern.

“Can’t say I’m overly fond of Snape’s new group of friends,” he said finally. His voice sounded tight, like he was trying to make a joke out of something he did not find particularly funny. He was acting so oddly.

“Were you planning to duel the lot of them?” she asked, once his attention seemed back on her.

His lips twitched upward, but he kept the smile from fully forming on his face. “Between the two of us, we could have taken them.”

Lily considered this for a moment. “Maybe you’re right, but my wand is in my trunk.” James shrugged, as if this would have only been a minor set-back. “Nevertheless, probably not the best idea to get a detention before term starts. At least wait until the Welcome Feast, yeah?”

James’ lips quirked again, but this time a smile actually broke through. “I think I can manage that. And for what it’s worth, I wasn’t planning to _start_ anything there. But I don’t think it hurts to be ready.”

Lily nodded slowly. “I can handle myself, Potter. And despite what has happened with Sev—Snape… I don’t think he would _do_ anything to purposefully hurt me.”

It felt so automatic coming out of her mouth that she didn’t really think about it. It was a mantra she had been telling herself for over a year she realized. It was tired. And proven false on a warm June day. She pursed her lips at this thought, looking away from James now.

“I know,” he said after a moment, and she wasn’t sure if he was referencing what she was saying or what she was not. “Look, I’m not here to interfere where I’m not wanted… I know you can handle yourself brilliantly. But know… just because you _can_ , doesn’t mean you always have to handle it alone.”

He threw another look down the empty corridor, making it obvious what he was referencing. For some reason, she suddenly felt very warm. This was not the Potter she had expected. He certainly didn’t seem like the Potter she had grown to know. She studied him a moment longer, and it crossed her mind that maybe _he_ wasn’t the only boy she thought she knew but really didn’t.

When he looked back at her, features softening in what she could only again describe as concern, she nodded.

“Well… I should probably get back to the compartment before the girls send out a search party.”

James grinned. “Yeah that wouldn’t be good. I’m sure you have a lot to catch up on.”

Lily found herself rolling her eyes. “The most recent topic of discussion when I was leaving was how fit you and Black are… Come to think of it, I probably should thank you for saving me from such an inane conversation.” James grin had grown impossibly wider as she said this. “Don’t you even start,” she warned, smiling despite herself. His grin was contagious. “I was a silent non-participant in that conversation.”

“Uh-huh. I’ve seen you staring at Sirius in Charms, Evans. You seem the type to be interested in rebellious bad-boys.”

Lily laughed. “Who would possibly consider Black a ‘bad boy’? First off, he’s best mates with _you_.”

“Me?” he asked, his hand flying to his heart in mock offense.

“Yes. You both have top marks in many of our classes. You spend loads of hours in the library. And you’re always off somewhere in the common room practicing jinxes on each other. If you haven’t noticed, and contrary to what you may think, you are a group of _nerds_.”

James’ mouth bobbed open and closed, as though he decided better than to say what he first thought. He looked mildly confused about her assessment, then an amused smile appeared. “Nerds we may be, but you never disagreed with what your dormmates were saying.”

“Oh, give over,” she said laughing. “Goodbye, Potter.”

James grinned, raising his hands in defeat. “See you, Evans.”

The chocolate frog still clasped in her hand, she rolled her eyes, failing to hide her own smirk, as she walked away.

She didn’t see, but he lingered close by until she got to her destination. And before he walked away, he heard some commentary escape the compartment:

“ _Did he ask you out again? Did you say yes?”_

_“Did you snog him finally?”_

_“You were gone quite a while, Lil – ooh is_ that _from Potter?”_

“Relax. It’s just a chocolate frog, not a love letter.”

_“It’s just your_ absolute _favorite sweet, from one of the fittest—”_

James couldn’t quite shake the goofy grin that was plastered on his face after hearing the short exchange. His conversation with Lily went better than he – and she, for that matter – could have anticipated.

But he had no way of knowing that a chocolate frog – and maybe a friendly conversation – was just what Lily had needed to shift the scale from _bitter_ to _sweet_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2? or Chapter 2? I hadn't really planned to continue this when I wrote it initially, yet here we are with another 6th year moment. I have not really gone and plotted out an entire 6th year fic, but I could see continuing this as a small story of bitter/sweet moments from 6th year.

The anxiety and grief Lily felt when first boarding the Hogwarts Express faded into the background as the school year began. The demands of NEWTs level courses simply didn’t allow for much reflection, though she knew that distraction also came from her dormmates and other housemates. In some ways, she felt wrapped in a bubble, carefully preserved, when in the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by _her_ people. But more notably, the fact that she was away from _him_ was still a major factor in her good spirits.

Unfortunately, she knew it all would be short-lived as soon as Professor McGonagall delivered her timetable to her at breakfast that first morning. Thursdays were nasty, rotten days. The not-yet-Friday day; almost but not quite to the weekend yet day. A tease, an empty promise.

And with this year’s schedule, Thursday meant she had to endure double Arithmancy before lunch and double Potions after. The two subjects she always spent partnered with _him_. And knowing the decrease in class periods with NEWT levels, she knew beyond a doubt it would be a day full of _him_.

Which may or may not have been the reason she dragged herself slowly away from the Gryffindor table after engaging in the most unhurried breakfast consumption of _all time_. It also may or may not have been the reason she meandered through the halls, as though needing to memorize every cracked inch of stone, or crookedly hanging portrait. It was possibly the reason she risked earning a tardy mark for the first time in years.

Turned out, it was _most definitely_ the reason one James Potter came crashing into her as she ascended the fifth-floor stairwell.

“Oh shit, Evans,” he said, reaching a hand out to grab her before she could crumble to the stone floor in a heap. “Sorry.”

She steadied herself, and without thinking much of it, fell into stride with him as she carried on up the stairs. “You look as if you’ve seen a ghost, which is entirely possible considering where we are and therefore would hardly warrant such a frantic pace. So perhaps instead of a ghost you’ve seen…the human personification of _responsibility_? Or a large bottle of _Sleekeazy_?” She gestured to his hair which was a step beyond its normal disheveled state.

For a reason she didn’t know or understand, he laughed particularly hard at her joke, clutching the handrail of the staircase as if now he needed to steady himself. She couldn’t help herself from smirking, pleased.

“Actually, I was trying to not be late to Arithmancy. And apparently based on _your_ current pace, you don’t share this concern.” When she shrugged in response he continued. “I was running from Professor McGonagall’s. Trying to book the pitch for try-outs next Saturday before any of the other captains do.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him subconsciously finger the scarlet _Quidditch Captain_ pin on his uniform.

“Oh yeah. I thought I’d heard you got the captaincy. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. Yeah, it’s... great, of course. Just don’t want let anyone down.” Humility? From the mouth of James Potter? A feather might have knocked her over, but she tucked that surprising curiosity, similar to the feeling she had on the train ride to school, away.

“We really have become accustom to winning,” she said, “but no pressure.”

His derisive laugh was softened by the small smirk that was on his face. She gave a small smile in return as they ascended the final set of stairs to reach the seventh floor. They walked in silence as they made their way down the corridor to the Arithmancy classroom. By Lily’s watch they had _just_ made it with two minutes to spare. Potter sped up his stride as they got closer and opened the door, motioning her to go first. But she stopped in her tracks just a few steps into the classroom, Potter nearly bumping into her as he followed.

There were only two spots open, in the class of twenty or so. One next to Sirius Black, who had gestured lazily to Potter upon seeing him, and the other next to _him_.

She urged her feet forward. _Get a grip, it’s just a seat_. But remained planted, the pit of her stomach falling endlessly. His black eyes flew upward to meet hers, studying her again as they had when he saw her and Potter on the train. As his eyes darted between her and Potter imploringly, his brow furrowed, she forced herself to look at her shoes.

Just as she wondered if her breathing was truly as ragged as it seemed, Potter stepped around her and took the seat next to _him_.

“Are you waiting for an invitation to sit, Miss Evans?” Professor Vector asked, garnering a few chuckles from her classmates.

“Sorry, Professor,” she mumbled in reply before striding forward to take the seat next to Black.

Her eyes found the back of both black-haired boys, immediately zoning from whatever introductory speech Professor Vector was giving. Her breathing had steadied, but her mind raced. The boys sat as far apart as physically possible when seated at the same table; the one with the messy hair sitting upright and proud, while _his_ shoulders rounded slightly in their normally slouching way. It was only when Black shifted next to her that she drew her eyes back to the professor.

“I hope you chose your seats carefully. Who you are sitting next to now will be your partner for the first unit of study, which will take us to November and which will include a jointly authored paper. We will talk more about this next week. For now, you will be spending the rest of this period completing the problems on pages six through eight of your books to be turned it at the beginning of next class period. Let’s see how much you remember from OWLs.”

Her eyes flew back to the black-haired boys, who were still pointedly ignoring each other.

“This will be fun,” Black said as soon as the shuffling of books surrounded them. Lily turned to look at him, but his eyes were on Potter. It took her a moment to register his sarcastic tone.

“I can switch partners with him. I’m sure Professor Vector won’t mind.”

Black’s eyes turned to her now, as though just realizing she was there. “You _want_ to be partnered with Snape?”

“Well…no. But –”

“So what makes you think James will switch with you?”

She blinked. “I don’t see why not. Unless he’s finally grown as tired of you as the rest of us.”

Black ignored her joke, looking at her like she was thick. “He won’t make you endure being partnered with _Snivellus_ ,” he told her, vehemently.

She ignored the crude, immature nickname she once would have grown livid over. “He can’t be happy about it. I can’t see why he wouldn’t jump at the chance to switch.”

Black shook his head, leaning down finally to grab the Arithmancy textbook from his bag. “You can’t be this thick, Evans.”

“What?” she asked, defensively, still having not moved to grab her own book.

He opened his mouth, casting a look to Potter as though strongly considering his next words. His mouth bobbed closed then opened again as he told her, “He made his choice. We may as well make the best of it.”

Lily finally grabbed her book and they started working in silence. Though it didn’t take long for Lily’s mind to wander as it was wont to do these days, more so than ever before and more so than she should allow. For the hundredth time since June, her mind wandered back to the previous year, to memories of _him_ that she pushed down with more and more vehemence each time. But this time a new memory appeared, one where _his_ voice sounded strained even in her memory, and she remembered _he_ looked like _he_ had a toothache as _he_ told her _“He fancies you, James Potter fancies you.”_

She hadn’t really believed it then – _he_ always embellished things – and the post-OWL date request did little to convince her there was any truth to it. But…

By the time the period was drawing to a close, she had made up her mind on what to do next. So as the other students filed out of the classroom, Lily followed Black’s lead and hung around as he met up with Potter.

Before either of them could speak, she said: “Potter, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Black looked between the two of them before sighing and moving past Potter to follow Professor Vector out of her classroom, leaving them alone.

“No problem, Evans. But I have Magical Creatures next so you’re going to have to walk and talk.”

There was no reason for her to walk with him. She now had a free period that would be better spent heading back to the common room to meet up with her friends or have a breather before lunch or finish up the Charms’ essay she’d left on her bed earlier that morning. Instead, she nodded her agreement and followed him out of the classroom, joining his side as they marched back through the corridor again.

“NEWT Magical Creatures?” she asked, momentarily distracted by this new information. “What career are you going for that requires a NEWT in Magical Creatures?”

Potter looked pensive for a moment as they reached the stairwell, but a few steps down he answered: “Dunno. Hadn’t thought about it.”

“Then why take it?”

“It’s interesting, isn’t it? I’ve always had a sort of fondness for animals. Besides, it’s good to know what some of them are capable of,” he said solemnly. Her mind instantly went to the latest _Prophet_ article which mentioned multiple peculiar sightings of Chimaeras around Britain that was causing mass confusion and panic.

He seemed serious, aged beyond sixteen, like he had on the train. She was fairly certain this was a new quality of his. Granted they really hadn’t spoken since he had given her that chocolate frog, apart from the occasional hellos when walking by each other, or “Pass the pumpkin juice, will you?” across the table at dinner. He had also caught her eye the night before when she was starting her Charms essay, an easy smirk on his lips as she pulled a chocolate frog out of her bag.

When she didn’t immediately answer, he looked sidelong at her. “But I get the impression that you didn’t want to chat with me about Magical Creatures?”

“No,” she said, “not really. I wanted to say… offer really, to switch partners in Arithmancy.”

He nearly missed a step at these words, turning abruptly to stare at her as he demanded: “What? Why?”

She ducked behind him as they converged on a group of third years excitedly running to the stairwell from the fourth floor. He stopped, turning on his heel in the middle of the stairs so suddenly that she braced herself from running into him again. She towered over him from the two steps above, which made her nervous for some reason. But not nervous enough to step closer.

“What d’you mean why? I suspect _you_ are the last person in this castle who’d want to be partnered with Sev… with _Snape_ for a full two-month project.”

He considered her for a moment, then simply said, “Second to, I think,” before continuing down the stairs.

“Second to what?” she called, doubling her pace to catch up. He noticed and paused in stride until she was on the same step as him again.

“I’m the _second_ to last person.”

“Really? _Semantics_. Who’s last? Black?” For the second time that morning, she was met with a withering stare, not unlike his friend’s, which told her she was being thick. “ _Oh_.”

She felt her cheeks immediately heat at this, and resisted the urge to place her cool hands on her face. They continued their pace down the next two flight of stairs before she found her voice again.

“But you’ll have to work with him, y’know.”

Potter shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Maybe not?”

“Maybe I’ll just do the whole thing by myself.”

“You can’t.”

“Err, yeah I’m pretty sure I can. I’m not just a pretty face, Evans,” he said, grinning cheekily at her. “There’s a brain behind it all.”

She ignored this. “It’s not fair for you to have to do a whole project by yourself just to avoid… avoid…”

He shrugged, seeming indifferent about it. “Seems a fair trade when compared to the alternative.”

She couldn’t exactly argue _that_ point, and was beginning to think he wasn’t going to budge. “Well, then at least let me help you.”

He stopped again at these words, having now reached the first floor. He paused, staring at her with interest. Now off the stairwell, he towered over her once more, and she felt her cheeks threatening to warm again under his gaze.

“I may take you up on that, Evans,” he said, his lips quirking up lopsidedly. After throwing a look at his watch, he began walking backwards toward the Entrance hall, eyes still locked on hers. “Enjoy your free period. Cheers.”

“See you,” she called back, tucking her arms around herself in a hug. He waved before going out of sight. She stayed there for a moment, looking in the direction he had long gone from, before seeming to realize where she was and turning to head back up to the seventh floor. She was halfway up the second flight of stairs when she got the sudden urge for a chocolate frog.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something for Jilytober. A budding friendship, perhaps?


End file.
